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ronin1
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Posted: Tuesday October 31st, 2006 06:47 am |
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Russian Women and Apologies…
One of the things that grate on WM is that RW never seem to apologize for anything. We are all human and are subject to making mistakes every now and then. Apologies are a first step in righting a wrong or defusing an issue in the West.
For RW, mistakes are not tolerated. An apology is an admission of guilt. In Russia, since RW are at the lower end of the social totem pole, if anything goes wrong it is passed onto them if possible. Not so long ago in Socialism times, guilt in any form could mean a long winter in the Gulag or worse. Even if a RW was at fault for something, they would not admit it. This has been going on for so long that one might say that the words of apology are simply not a part of RWs’ vocabulary.
It seems that this situation is even worse in a budding WM/RW relationship. It would appear that the RW expect WM to be experts on everything. Indeed, the man maybe the head of household and expected to approve any and all major decisions, (perhaps minor ones as well). In this RW avoid the position of fault and thus having to apologize. It was the man’s decision.
So what does this mean to the WM? Don’t’ expect apologies. Don’t be offended or feel unjustly burdened by RW not assuming fault in any matter. This is a tough thing to do.
I’m not saying that RW are to be blameless. As the man in the relationship, it is up to him to shoulder the burden of the family in both its’ triumphs and errors. There is no quest on this. Still, if a fault does lie at the foot of a RW, the man should let her know that he knows it is so.
In Western culture if a WW doesn’t assume any blame then it is assumed that all is the man’s fault. This can cause serious relationship issues if it becomes a continued theme. I will stress that this is not the RW’s intent. This is a cultural thing. A WM will have to take to heart the saying, “Love means never having to say I’m sorry.”
In time, when your RW really can confide and trust you completely will she begin to apology. When you hear these words, it will be a golden sign that you are doing your job well as a husband and soul mate.
Ronin
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dwfunk
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Posted: Saturday November 4th, 2006 03:05 am |
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I had already seen this type of behavior, the stanch resistance to admitting mistakes and way back in the back of my mind I was wondering what the future would hold. Now that I've read the above those behaviors now make more sense.
So, then how true is the inverse? Can you gauge her feelings towards you or substantiate her feelings towards you if you get an unexpected apology?
Our story:
It had been a particularly rough day. Natalia had "lost" just about every pricing negotiation we went through this particular day. She was furious, how dare they charge her David more than a regular Russian! What was he to get for the higher price? More exhibits to see? A private tour? How dare they charge her David, who's "near wife" (her words) was a Russian Citizen?
Needless to say, I got to see a little more of my true honey that day!
So now it's evening and we're heading back to our B&B. We're hungry and she doesn't know what she wants to eat. So, she tells me, "you pick, you're the Boss." We were coming back from visiting the Church of the Spilled Blood, and had passed a Bar-B-Q place on Шведский Переулок so I was curious to see what kind of "Bar-B-Q" it would turn out to be. We went in, but just inside the door, Natalia stopped. "I no like," she informs me, and turns around and walks out! Wow, so much for "you're the Boss!" I followed her out, caught up with her and continued to head towards our B&B. After a few steps she asked where we were going. Rather curtly I told her I wasn't sure, I hadn't made up my mind yet. We came to a food shop that we had been using so I went down into it. I picked up some juice, fruit, some crackers, and some salomi. She got a couple more things, we checked out and headed back to the B&B.
We arrived back, and started snacking, I told her I was going to take a shower. She asked me if I was mad at her, and I hesitated some, then told her, "No, I'm choosing not to be mad at you" and went to take a shower. I finished and when I got out she went in. So while she was showering I snacked a little, made myself comfortable, flicked through some TV channels and browsed a paper we had picked up.
What happened next was totally unexpected. When she finished her shower, she came out, sat next to me, put her arms around my neck, and looked me straight in the eye and told me she was sorry for acting like she did earlier!! She had tears in her eyes and she then buried her face in my neck and shoulder. I was floored. I held her and told her I accepted her apology and forgave her. I held her tight for a while, then she sat up and told me in a quiet quivering voice that we would go back and she would go in and when I was the Boss, she would obey.
Well our plans didn't let us go back that direction so we didn't get back to the Bar-B-Q place, but when I picked the next restaurant she said, "OK, Boss, we go!"
She's been extremely affectionate and attentive since then, so I wonder . . . . The more she likes you, the more she loves you, the sooner you might see her "open" up? see her appologies?
I wonder . . . .
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David & Natalia
Republic of Texas/Moscow, Russia
УЛ. КОНЕНКОВА
16th World Spacemodeling Championships
Last edited on Saturday November 4th, 2006 03:08 am by dwfunk
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JPjr
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Posted: Saturday November 4th, 2006 03:49 am |
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| Hi David and Natalia, that was cute story of true affection. Love often agrees and disagrees in the same breath. Hahaha and then can't deside. All is well in Cheboksary.
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JPjr
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Posted: Saturday November 4th, 2006 04:14 am |
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| Hello, from Love. How are you ?This is my first post on an internet forum. Joe says every one here are very nice and friendly. I love Joe and we are happy in Cheboksary.
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honestman
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| Location: | Exeter, United Kingdom |
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Posted: Saturday November 4th, 2006 02:14 pm |
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Hello Love, I am glad things are good in Cheboksary and welcome to the Forum. I will be going to Cheboksary at the end of the year, oh and back to the thread, my lady often apologies, so perhaps I am luckier than I think!
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dwfunk
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Posted: Sunday November 5th, 2006 05:16 am |
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JPjr wrote: Hi David and Natalia, that was cute story of true affection. Love often agrees and disagrees in the same breath. Hahaha and then can't deside. All is well in Cheboksary.
ohhhh, are we ever green!  But seriously guys, Congratulations that you are together and enjoy!! Natalia finally got through the security checks at the Embassy. It is only supposed to be 10 to 15 days from NVC sending to Embassy and setting of the date for interview. We went 32 days!! Now we have a date, 27 Dec 2006, she has her interview. ETA Houston Texas, sometime around the end of February or the first of March 2007!!!
----
David & Natalia
Republic of Texas/Moscow, Russia
УЛ. КОНЕНКОВА
16th World Spacemodeling Championships
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dwfunk
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Posted: Sunday November 5th, 2006 05:20 am |
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JPjr wrote: Hello, from Love. How are you ?This is my first post on an internet forum. Joe says every one here are very nice and friendly. I love Joe and we are happy in Cheboksary.
Hello Love,
Welcome! I'm still trying to get Natalia to post. She has a job as a chief accountant and uses computers all day and is not as enthused as I am about using one after work. I'll keep trying though.
Congratulations you two and enjoy!
----
David & Natalia
Republic of Texas/Moscow, Russia
УЛ. КОНЕНКОВА
16th World Spacemodeling Championships
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ronin1
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Posted: Sunday November 5th, 2006 08:18 pm |
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dwfunk,
Your question:
She's been extremely affectionate and attentive since then, so I wonder . . . . The more she likes you, the more she loves you, the sooner you might see her "open" up? see her appologies?
I wonder . . . .
I believe you are on the right track. Of course, all Russian Women are not the same as to when they will start to apologize if the situation warrants itself. It depends on how ingrained they are with this behavior (age), their true nature and how much they are 'into' their man.
IMO, with RW, love and respect go hand-inhand. In other words a WM doesn't get true love without the respect of being the head of the family. More deeper than respect is when a RW confides that she is not perfect. To do so is to open herself to potential emotional and physical harm. A RW doesn't do this unless she is certain of the man in her eyes.
Dwfunk, IMO, you have passed a milestone early in your relationship. Great story. Everything you have posted you couldn't have handled any better. My hat's off to you!
Ronin
P.S.
dwfunk... bombardier to pilot, bombardier to pilot. Great use of the hyperlink.
JPjr... good to hear things are still on track for you.
honestman... Sounds like your RW is more open than most. Good choice and good luck on your visit!
Last edited on Sunday November 5th, 2006 08:23 pm by ronin1
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RQRose
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Posted: Tuesday October 28th, 2008 06:43 pm |
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Did you go to the store instead of another restaurant on purpose? So instead of her getting a nice dinner she just ended up with a snack in the hotel room?
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dwfunk
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Posted: Thursday October 30th, 2008 12:43 am |
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RQRose wrote: Did you go to the store instead of another restaurant on purpose? So instead of her getting a nice dinner she just ended up with a snack in the hotel room?
Yes, and no. We were hungry and planning on a meal. Since for whatever reason she didn't want a restaurant, we needed to stop at a shop and pickup food. We were staying in a small hotel, more of a B&B and so meals were a daily shopping experience, sometimes twice a day.
I was fully prepared on all my trips to eat in restaurants, it's what we do here, but, it's not what they do there. Most restaurants only held a dozen customers or less, and there are not that many restaurants around.
One might have "punished" an AW by going to the store, but in that environment, it's the perfectly logical choice. Choosing "another" restaurant isn't that easy either.
Regarding missing a "nice dinner'; I have since learned that missing a "nice dinner" is not what they think about. Very seldom have I found an RW who would acknowledge that a restaurant meal was good, real good, or very good. It's always lacking in some way, and hence one has 'lost' money buying the meal. If the food is not tasty, and it must be VERY tasty if it's expensive, then it was a waste of money and chances are, you won't be going back.
-david
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RQRose
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Posted: Thursday October 30th, 2008 07:04 am |
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HA! So you don't ask them, "How was the food?" A better question would be, "You look Beautifully Attractive, did you ENJOY dinner?"
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